So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
