tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
