i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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