I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still dying that you shit outside
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
