I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
