I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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