Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
