what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
