my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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