Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
