If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize