; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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