You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
