i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
