Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All the doctor said was why
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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