The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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