yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
