Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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