I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
