I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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