Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
