just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
