I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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