Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
