The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
