I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
