can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
