Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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