I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
