I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
