you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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