I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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