Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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