I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
North Korea, Best Korea!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
