Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
