she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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