You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
