i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
