How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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