He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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