I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
