Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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