when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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