Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
