Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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