Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
