My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone owes me an orgasm
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
