Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
