some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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