I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
