so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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