sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
