He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
