he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
