Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
