I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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