So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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