i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two words: blizzard sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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