margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
