I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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