first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As shirtless as possible
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
