Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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