they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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