In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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