guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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