i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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