and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
