Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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