no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
