Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
